I grew up in church, and I always thought of myself as a believer, even though I never really acted like it. I began smoking pot at age 12, and throughout my teenage years and into my early twenties, I found my identity in the drugs I used. Mostly marijuana, but just about anything I could get my hands on was fair play. Shortly after meeting my wife Melanie, she became pregnant with our first son, and at that point, things began to calm down a bit. However, between Melanie and me, we still smoked about an ounce of pot a week, and at some point, we began drinking regularly.
It wasn’t until I was in my late twenties before I can honestly say that I encountered Christ. After much encouragement from the preacher’s wife, Melanie and I got married. Shortly after that, we set out on a trip to the 2011 Gateway Church family retreat, despite being flat broke and not knowing if I would have enough gas to make it to payday. To make matters worse, we were pulled over on the way to the retreat and received a ticket for driving nine miles an hour over the speed limit.
That night, when I was pulled over for speeding, my wife and I had also just finished getting high on the way to the church retreat. The odor as the officer approached the vehicle would have been unmistakable. I, being a real piece of work, allowed my wife to take the fall. She could have easily gone to jail that night, but God had bigger plans. It was by His grace alone that we were let go with only a couple of tickets—one for her and one for me.
These tickets only added insult to injury, and the worry and stress began to mount and take over, and we contemplated turning back and going home. But despite what had just happened, I could still hear God calling us deeper, so we decided to press on and continue our trip to the retreat. Little did we know that that would be the single most impactful decision we had ever made before or since.
The next day at the retreat, we broke into a sacred space, time to read and reflect on God’s word. Honestly, I don’t remember the exact passage we were supposed to be reading, but it must have been somewhere at the beginning of Matthew 7. Having spent very little time reading the Bible to this point, I found it challenging to understand what I was reading. So, I decided to go back a little and see what lead up to this passage.
Now I found myself at the tail end of Matthew 6, verses 25 – 34. The title of the passage in the NIV Bible is “Do Not Worry.” Verse 25 states, “Therefore I tell you do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothes?” Interestingly enough, verse 26 happens to be my mother’s life verse and one she gave me years before while dealing with similar financial struggles. It states this, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Verse 27, “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Christ then reiterates this point in the next few verses, which brings us to the verses that turned my world upside down. Matthew 6:32-34 states this, “For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
It was that moment, on the morning of Saturday, August 13th, 2011, that forever changed my life. I realized then that I had never really sought after God despite being a “Christian” my whole life. Let alone his kingdom or his righteousness. I remember praying to God that same night, as we took communion, with tears pouring down my face and surrendering my life to him.
It was at this moment that sin began to die in me so that Christ could live. This was my resurrection moment, and it was by the power of His. This was the moment where my sin was nailed to the cross next to Him. And just as He was raised three days later, this was the moment when new life was raised in me.
The next several months were interesting, to say the least. I struggled to quit smoking both tobacco and marijuana. However, after realizing I had to lean fully on God, I quit smoking cigarettes with ease. By the end of 2011, I was drug-free and have remained so ever since. The alcohol I found to be the most difficult. However, I found that again, after completely surrendering it to God, he simply took the taste for it from me.
During this newfound sobriety and being fully engaged in God’s word, I found myself hooked on a new drug. But unlike the drugs of my past, the ones that never seemed to be enough, the ones that I continued to use chasing that better high that never came, this drug was completely and utterly fulfilling. While I found it incredibly addictive and always wanted more, it never left me feeling empty or unfulfilled. No other drug could ever compare, and there is not enough time or words to describe it. That drug was the love and grace of God. Found only through Jesus Christ and by the power of His resurrection.
In the past several years, I’ve lost a lot of friends due to the events outlined here. However, every one of them has been replaced tenfold by the brothers and sisters I’ve gained in Christ. They, along with my incredibly patient and loving wife, walked with me through some of the most challenging years of my life as I returned to school and completed my GED as well as an associate’s and bachelor’s degree in network communications. My wife also returned to school and completed her GED and is currently pursuing her associate’s. Six years ago, we purchased our first home.
Life is far from perfect, but the financial troubles that brought me to my knees before Christ are becoming a thing of the past. I recognize that problems will still come and that I will have to deal with them, but I also know that with Christ in my corner, there is no mountain that I cannot climb. Thus, I no longer look to tomorrow with worry and doubt but rather as another opportunity to serve and glorify Jesus Christ.
I no longer find my identity in the mind-altering substances of my youth. I now find my identity in Christ and Christ alone.
I am a child of God and a servant of Jesus Christ. I am redeemed through his blood, and my sins have been forgiven according to the riches of God’s grace (Ephesians 1:7).
I am called to be a husband to my wife and to love her just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25).
I am called to be a father to my children and to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).
Like Joseph and Moses, I am called to lead my family out of the desert (Gn. 45:7-46:27, Ex. 3:10-17). Like Stephen, I am called to serve the body of Christ (Acts 6:1-7) with humility and love (Gal 5:13), and like John the Baptist, my service helps to prepare the way for the Lord (Matt 3:3) so that others might have an opportunity to know him and make him known (Acts 6:1-7).