A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23 By W. Phillip Keller – Chapter 7 Reflection:
Reflect upon a time in your life that you would characterize as “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.”
In asking myself the question ‘When have I walked through the valley of the shadow of death?’ I found myself struggling to find an answer. I believe this is because I was approaching it wrong. I was approaching the question as if the answer had to be a valley that I entered after having come to Christ. The problem I was having with this was that, while I would certainly say that I have entered some valleys in my walk, I have difficulty calling any of them ‘the valley of the shadow of death.’ Phillip Keller describes these valleys as ‘excruciating experiences.’ And looking back on the time since I came to Christ I struggle to recall anything that fits that description. That is when it hit me, I had indeed been in one of these valleys, but I didn’t enter into it after coming to Christ. I entered this valley 15 years before coming to Christ. I was still there when I met Him. And He was the only one who could lead me out.
I met Christ after being lost in the valley of addiction for 15 years. At that time, I already had my first two sons, and I like to think that most of my partying and experimenting had run its course. That said, my wife and I still smoked about an ounce of pot a week between the two of us, we were coming dangerously close to alcoholism, and I smoked at least a pack of cigarettes a day. I still remember very clearly, almost immediately after coming to Christ, turning to scripture, and the internet, trying to justify my marijuana habit. I was unable to do so. It was from that point that the Shepherd began to clean up my life systematically. It didn’t happen overnight, but within about six months, He had broken the chains of addiction that had bound me for so long.
Interestingly enough, looking back at that time, walking through that valley, getting past the addictions wasn’t even the hardest part. The hardest part was leading my wife to the Shepherd. You see, the incredible moment when Christ began to change our lives happened for me, but not so much for her.
In what seemed like an instant I was turning the life we had spent 7 years building together upside down. Actually, it was Christ that was turning it right side up, because we had spent seven years turning it upside down. But from her perspective at the time, I was going crazy.
No matter what I said or did to try and point her to Christ, nothing seemed to convince her, and it appeared to be pushing her away more than anything. Not knowing what to do, I turned to the Shepherd and gave this also over to him. I remember Him telling me that sometimes the only way to lead is to lead by example. So I loosened my grip. I stopped trying to force her to come along, and I stopped trying to tell her what she should or shouldn’t be doing. I decided to lead by example, to continue walking with Christ and to hope, and pray, that she would see Him in me and that she would follow. Here we are 8 1/2 years later, and she’s still here. She too threw off the chains of addiction years ago, and I continue to see her growing more and more in her walk with Christ.
Looking back on this valley, can you see the presence of the Good Shepherd with you?
One of my favorite stories to tell about the presence of the Good Shepherd while walking through this valley comes from when I quit smoking cigarettes. The pot and the alcohol were relatively easy to leave behind by comparison. At least, that is, before I gave it over to the Good Shepherd.
Over and over again, when trying to quit smoking cigarettes, I would fall on my face and give in. I always had to begin the day quitting. If I got up in the morning and had a cigarette that day was shot, and I couldn’t try again until at least the next day. On top of that, I always felt that I had to finish a pack before bed. So if I went to bed with 1 in cigarette in the pack then it would be at least another day before I would try again. Silly, I know, but that’s the way it was. On the days I did try, I would typically go to work and make it all day just fine, but then on my way home, I would break down and buy a new pack, and the whole cycle would start over. I went on like this for months.
Finally, one day on my way home from work, after having given in yet again, I was listening to KLOVE on the radio, and one of their 30-second testimonies came on. I don’t remember all the details, but the woman giving her testimony talked about how she had been battling addiction. She said that a song she heard on the radio reminded her that she needed to lay her addiction at the foot of the cross. Not only that, but she needed to verbally tell God that she wasn’t strong enough to handle it on her own. She needed to say to Him that she needed His strength.
That was the lightbulb moment in my fight. It was probably a few days later before I tried again, but I remember waking up and hitting my knees. I prayed that God would take the addiction away. I told Him I wasn’t strong enough, that I needed His strength, and that I couldn’t do it without Him. That day went like all the others. I made it just fine through work, and on my way home, the craving hit again. And this time instead of caving in, I prayed again, right then and there. I prayed the same prayer but slightly different. This time, I prayed ‘God thank you for getting me this far, but I’m still not there, I still need you, I still need your strength, I still can’t do it without you, please help me get just a little farther.’ For the next several months, I would say this prayer multiple times a day. Every time a craving hit, I would stop whatever I was doing and pray this prayer. And every time He was faithful to carry me a little further.
The reason this is one of my favorite stories from the time when I walked through this valley is that I believe it shows not only God’s presence but also His power to carry us through difficult situations. Nicotine is among the most addictive drugs out there. It’s ranked right up there with heroin and cocaine. I don’t know many people who have quit nicotine that can say that it was easy. But I can!!! Of course not that it was easy when I was trying to do it on my own, but that once I gave it over to the God of peace, He crushed Satan under my feet. (Rm.16:20)
Were there times of refreshment and nourishment in this valley?
Absolutely!!! Each of the victories detailed above was extraordinarily refreshing and nourishing during this time. Not only that, but me being a brand new baby Christian I had a fire burning in me that was white-hot. I was in His word daily. I remember breaking the binding on my Bible, partly because I hadn’t done much reading prior and didn’t know how to care for it, but also just because of the heavy use. Walking through this valley produced a tremendous amount of spiritual growth in me and propelled my family to where we are today.
Did this valley produce in you a new stamina for life?
Without a doubt!!! I think the next question will provide more depth for His answer, but walking through this valley completely changed my outlook on life. The Good Shepherd lead us out of the darkest time of our lives. Not only that, but He had taken what seemed impossible and made it possible. He showed us that all we had to do was to seek Him, to rely on Him, to submit to Him, and He would carry us through anything, and everything life could throw at us. With the Good Shepherd leading the way, the worries of this life can’t even touch us.
What did the Good Shepherd teach you in this valley?
The passage that ultimately brought me to Christ is Matthew 6:25-34, with an emphasis on verse 33, which says this, ‘But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.’ The Good Shepherd revealed Himself to me in these words at a time when the worries of this world were utterly consuming me, most of which stemmed from the addictions outlined above. He taught me that when I fix my eyes on Him, when I seek Him first above all else, no matter what this world throws at me, He will take care of me, He will give me strength, He will get me through, and in the midst of it all, I can find rest in Him.